i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
