thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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