dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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