May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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