i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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