Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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