We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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