how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
