Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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