just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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