My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
