just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
