eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
