he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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