1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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