Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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