I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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