fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
