We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You smell like stripper and shame
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
