Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
