Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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