her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You don't make any sense
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