New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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