remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i believe in u and ur pee
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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