i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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