Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
