My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
