Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
