hotel room ftw
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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