My sheets look like a crime scene.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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