i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize