bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
