some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
