I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize