Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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