It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
