His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
