Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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