I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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