Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
