I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So much Jack, so little girl.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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