Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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