A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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