You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
