Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Randomize
