wrigley field is MILF paradise
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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