Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
