Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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