YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
