saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
