Someone shit on the floor
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
