his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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