so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
