I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm passing your future prison.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize