Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
