I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
