Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
