Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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