we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
