He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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