I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
