i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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