I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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