I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
