I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
