can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize