We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You left your phone here
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