I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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