I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
40s are totally the cure
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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