Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
