He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We talked him into tasing himself.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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